Young Immigrants Take on Adult Responsibilities Early

“Over 1.5 million immigrant children in the United States go through a similar story I went through at the age of 14,” Natali Toriia said. Natali, fresh off a plane from her home country, learned how to translate lease statements before she fully understood algebra and geometry. Natalie asked us not to use her full last name. She is an immigrant from the country of Georgia, where there is a struggle between people who want to join the European Union and those who want to reconnect with Vladimir Putin’s Russia.

Natali’s family won the visa lottery, a U.S. State Department program that allows people from specific countries, to live and work in the U.S. The Toriia family had a friend in Bensonhurst, Brooklyn who helped them find a room. About 7,000 Georgians live in New York City, according to a report by the New York Comptroller. “The winning lottery was sudden. Arriving in New York City and finding a huge Georgian community here was a nice surprise. Having community from my country made things a little easier and brighter,” Natali said.

Natali enrolled in High School and was placed in a regular program where she scored well on the English language test. “I was given a test at school and they decided I did not need to be part of the English as Second Language (ESL) program. My English was okay but definitely far from perfect. I still had to get used to the speaking and listening parts, also I did not get accommodations like ESL students did and that was sort of a struggle for me. But I think at the end it made me work harder and made me stronger,” Natali said.

Meanwhile back home, she had grown-up responsibilities. ”I had to deal with bills, phone communications, health insurance on my parents behalf, which was difficult and an unfamiliar system for me and I had to figure everything out on the way,” she said.

The pressure on Natali had its negative effects. She constantly felt overwhelmed and responsible, which was unusual for her up until then.“We never realized that Natali carried so much baggage because of us. We were also brought to an unfamiliar place and system and we were doing our best to support her and work to give her a better future. We just never realized it would affect Natali in the long run,” said Tinatin, Natali’s mother.

But Natali doesn’t blame her parents. “I appreciate everything my parents did for me. I don’t ever want them to feel guilt over the fact that I was stressed and overwhelmed. They went through a change too, and I never blamed them for relying on me. Everything happens for a reason. All these gave me an experience and helped me become independent. I am forever grateful for my parents,” she said.

Therapist Nana Sadaghishvili works with children who immigrated from Georgia and sees a familiar pattern in Natali’s story. “When children have to take on adult responsibilities so early, they usually end up suppressing their own needs and emotions and feel their struggles are invalid as they compare to the sacrifices their parents have made. This can cause chronic stress and anxiety,” she said.

Natali has begun to deal with her problems with the help of a therapist. But Aghapishvill said it’s typical for young people who take an adult role early to question themselves. ”They struggle feeling worthy outside of their ability to meet others’ needs,” the therapist explained.

Seven years after she came to the U.S., Natali was admitted to University. She wants to become a behavioral therapist and is completing her degree in psychology. She appreciates being in New York and the United States. “This is such a good life. I feel like we have everything we ever dreamed of. My parents and I are happy. I’m coming over the stress and struggles I had over the years. it is work in progress but I’m almost there. My parents are healthy and they are proud of who I’m becoming and I am proud of all of us too. That’s all that matters to me.” said Natalie

“We could not be more proud of our girl,” said Natali’s parents. “She is achieving goals she has set for herself. Finding her own path in life and we do our best to support her through it,” chimed in Natali’s father, Aleksander.

Natalie’s story is far from over, but she continues to appreciate and embrace the opportunities “My parents are happy and proud, and I grab every opportunity that comes my way. There is nothing more I could ask for in the moment, only work towards more. There is more adventures to come and I cannot wait for them all,” said Natali with a smile.