West African Youth Turn to Community Mediators

HARLEM — Khadeeja Thiam recalls a period when she and her parents disagreed about her career choice, supply chain management. She felt strongly about following that path, which diverged from the more “secure” professions, as her parents called medicine or law, highly respected careers in many West African cultures.   

“They thought I was being unrealistic,” Thiam, 23, said. “But for me, it was something I truly cared about.”  

 Thiam and her parents grew distant. Conversations became tense, and it felt like neither side fully understood the other. To get help, the family turned to a “mediator,” informal counselors in the West African community often called when disagreements strain a family’s relationship. A mediator can be an older family member, community leader, teacher, or counselor. Elders often play a key important role in resolving conflicts.  

After receiving guidance from a mediator, Thiam believes they help under the right conditions. She appreciated that mediators can offer a neutral viewpoint and help each person feel heard, without forcing an agreement if either side is unwilling to compromise.  

“Both sides have to be open to listening,” Thiam said.   

In the West African immigrant community, parents often have clear expectations for their children, especially when it comes to education, career choices and lifestyles. Mediators can help younger people see how these expectations are usually shaped by the parents’ own life experiences, sacrifices and hopes for a better future for the children. Mediators also see how younger generations growing up in different environments, especially in Western societies, can have different goals and perspectives — leading to tension, even when both sides want the best for each other.  

Marieme Ndiaye, 18, believes these generational differences may appear in everyday life, from the way careers are chosen to how emotions are expressed. While many young people prioritize passion, mental well-being and personal freedom, their parents may focus more on financial stability, familial reputation and long-term security.  

“Our parents went through struggles we may never fully understand,” she explained. “So, they value stability and security much more.” 

 Amadou Berte, 23, shared his perspective on why some parents struggle to accept their children’s choices. Although young, Berte displays mediator qualities with his insights into African parents’ actions. He often helps others experiencing what he has grasped through his youth toward a better understanding of the situation.  

“Having experienced significant challenges tied to immigration, financial struggles, or limited opportunities, many parents feel a strong responsibility to guide their children toward paths they believe will guarantee success and stability,” Berte said.

“A lot of it comes from fear,” he continued. “They don’t want us to go through hardship.”

Feeling misunderstood is a common experience. Emotions can also run high, making it harder to have calm and productive conversations.  

Ndiaye shared that when she tried to explain her goals, which are to work in the sectors of Global Health or Public Policy, it often felt like her parents weren’t truly hearing her.   

“It felt like we were speaking completely different languages,” she said.   

So, what can be done to bridge this gap? Open communication is key, many say. Instead of arguing, both sides can benefit from asking questions, actively listening, and expressing themselves calmly and honestly.  

Berte suggests that both parents and children practice patience and empathy.  

“Parents should try to understand that times have changed,” he said. “And children should respect the experiences their parents went through.”