COVID-19 DIARIES: ENTRY 6 – My Shrinking Life

Before the coronavirus pandemic, I lived in the Bronx. I shared a rented apartment with a coworker and her two young children. With four bedrooms, I had more than enough privacy. If I wanted to talk to someone I’d venture out of my room. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t. And it was a forty-minute subway ride from both my spa job at Union Square and my classes at The City College of New York.

In March, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo sent nearly 700,000 students at CUNY and SUNY schools home to study online and I went to my parents’ house in Merrick on Long Island. I planned to stay until I had to go work two days later. But when the governor ordered “non-essential” businesses to shut down on March 22, my life changed dramatically. 

The spa where I was a receptionist laid me off when it had to close. It felt risky to return to my Bronx apartment because I needed buses and subways to get from place to place. I did my grocery shopping around my job at Union Square. The area gave me more options for the vegetarian food I eat. Without public transportation, it would be impossible to get groceries and supplies unless I changed my diet. I also didn’t mind spending some time with my family. I didn’t think the stay-at-home order would go on for long.

But the change quickly wore on me. Seven people live in the two-story house — my parents, my two sisters, my brother, my grandmother, and now me.  My childhood bedroom was converted to an office, so I have to sleep on the living room couch. It is a huge difference from my full-size memory foam bed in my private bedroom. Without school and work I tried to sleep in. But that was impossible. My father is a high school history teacher and he gets up early to teach online classes. He can’t help it, but noise from his moving around the house always disturbs me. Taking a nap during the day is out of the question, because everyone is up and about. Despite having plenty of time to sleep I am more sleep-deprived than ever.

A few days into my visit, I was reminded about how overprotective and invasive my parents are. Whenever I FaceTimed a friend, within a few minutes my mother would find me. “Who’s that?” she’d say, peering into the camera. I couldn’t have a conversation without an audience. I resorted to locking myself in the bathroom when I wanted to make a call.

If I want to be alone, I have to send a text to everybody in my household. I ask them to either not use a specific room, or to let me use their bedroom for an amount of time.  I have had to do this at least three days a week for my online classes and that got old fast.

The lack of freedom frustrates me the most.  One day I ventured outside for a walk, protected with a facemask and disposable gloves. I let my parents know I’d be taking a walk. Within 10 minutes, my phone chimed from my father. “Where are you? You’re not supposed to go too far! Make sure you don’t put yourself at risk! Where did you go? Hurry back?” He did this every two minutes.

I am fortunate to have an alternate safe home with loving parents, and to be around my healthy family members during this frightening time. My parents’ backyard is a blessing. It allows me to get a private breath of fresh air, unlike my city apartment. I love my family deeply, and I am so blessed that we have all remained healthy. Although the pros don’t invalidate the cons, I try to shift my mindset and focus on my blessings. We need to stay positive as long as the stay-at-home order goes on, and beyond.